Life in Mariupol Sunday & Monday

Above and below this paragraph are videos of what our visit times mostly consist of, it gets old rather quickly. We are either playing soccer, Frisbee, or volleyball with the soccer ball and no net, or basketball with the soccer ball and no hoop. If we get tired of the outside play we go into one of the little visitor rooms and eat Pringles and M&M's and color or play card games. Card games are not easy because the girls cannot explain to us the rules of "their" games and they don't really understand if we try to explain the rules of "our"games. We have found that matching memory type games are the best. Anya and Nastiya both make this a full contact competitive sport. They need to win, and they will cheat if they have too. All along Tami, Brian, Matt & I are trying to build trust and often try to help by pointing to the correct card foe them to choose, they do not trust us assume we are trying to trick them, or worst of all when they do trust us and choose the card we point out and we were wrong, look out, because this is not easily forgiven. It really has been very interesting at times learning the different behaviors they exhibit during these games.

On Sunday when we arrived for our visit it was about 12:30 and the rest of "the Group" was outside with Anya and Nastiya. It was good to see all of the little girls we have come to know over the past two weeks, and of course sweet little Nastiya Matthews, but at the same time it is taking an emotional toll on me. I am so overwhelmed by my emotions the past few days. I guess the whole place is beginning to wear on me, I am so tired of the trash and poverty that surrounds us each time we leave the apartment, and the girls in the group are beginning to haunt me in my dreams. When we arrived and said hello to the group, they all want so badly to communicate with us, and try to say whatever they know how in English. Most importantly they want us to know their name. It is as if they believe if we know their name we will want to adopt them too, and you know I do. I am almost certain that even though we have found out that Lyena is going to be adopted, that in the next year or two we will be back for another one of these girls. There are so many of them that I could see fitting in our family, and all they really want and need is someone to love them, and tell them they are special enough to belong. There are two of the older girls 12 & 13 year old that are especially grabbing hold of my heart just as Gyena & Lyena did with Matt's. Neither one of them are available now and it may be a year or two if they are available ever, but I just can't see myself leaving here and never returning. I guess we will just wait and see what God reveals to us later on, His plan will always play itself out eventually.

We got to spend only a few minutes with the group on Sunday before it was time for them to return to the inside. This was probably best, as I was on the verge of tears almost the whole time they were with us. Anya was wearing her new blue sweat suit that we had bought her a few days ago. It was nice to see her in something different, and she had showered and done her hair all new. She was feeling very pretty you could tell by the way she kept tossing her hair around. It was all very sweet except for the mounds of blue eyeshadow all around the eyes, top and bottom just like the roommate Anya wears. I had specifically told Anya about this when we purchased the eyeshadow last week, she understood she could only wear a little and on the top only. I know she just needed to test me and it all worked out. I told her she was looking very beautiful, but the eyeshadow on the bottom had to go. She argued for a bit like she does, but when I brought it up later and handed her the tissue to wipe it off she complied very respectfully. She went in and washed it off, and came back to show me with a big smile and hug. I could not ask for more.

After playing outside for most of our time, everyone was bored you can only play so much soccer or basketball with out a net and hoop, and it was getting cooler so we went inside to try out the card games. Like I mentioned above the memory game was worth it, very interesting insight into the true personality traits of these girls, and speaks volumes about the environment they have been living in. Our visit ended much like it always does with Anya trying to get us to stay, and a little bit of pouting and arguing about what time we will come tomorrow. Anya was still trying to convince us that she was not going to go back to school, and we were certain that she was. So after much back and forth it was decided we would come at 2:00.

Monday

As I mentioned earlier the girls from the group were in my dreams all night long, and I woke up just sad for them and Matt and I both just wanted to give them something, anything to make them feel loved or just so they would know we were thinking of them. We decided to walk to the store and get them some fruit and head to the orphanage early, because last Monday the girls group was on the playground at 12:00, so I assumed they must have a shorter school day on Mondays and that they would be out when we arrived. I was wrong. Last Monday must have been a holiday or non school day for some reason.

As we were leaving our apartment to head to the store, Matt took our garbage to drop in the dumpster, and as there most often is, there were two people searching thru the trash for anything of value or to eat. It is one of those things that just makes your heart break each time you see it, and one of the reasons Ukraine is emotionally wearing on me. Matt dropped the bag and immediately the guy grabs it and begins to search thru it. Matt said it was just breaking his heart because the one lady was very old and missing on eye and the other eye looked as if it was falling out, and the younger man was maybe her son unable to provide for her. So Matt gave them some money and told them with hand signals and little Russian he could speak to get something to eat, not to buy alcohol but to get something good to eat. It is so sad because you know we can only do so little, and it is like this everywhere you turn, so many needs that we can not possibly begin to meet. It is just really hard to be here at times.

Anyway when we arrived at the orphanage like I said the girls were not there but still in school. So by talking with Kseniya we were told we could leave the food and juices in Natasha's (vice-director) office and when Anya returned at 1:00 she would give it to them from us. This was a bit disappointing because I had hoped to see them, but at least we knew they would have a special treat after school today. It was about 12:30 now so we decided just to wait outside for the kids to arrive, rather than leaving and coming back at 2:00 to see Anya.

After the kids arrived, Matt stayed outside and I went in to wait and see when Anya would come to be with us. And shortly after this Natasha went up the stairs yelling at someone, and the someone turned out to be Anya who followed her down the stairs into her office and didn't stop to say hello to me but she knew I was there. This was followed by more angry Ukrainian lectures by Natasha directed towards Anya, which I could hear from the next room but of course I cannot understand. This is quite a strange feeling because legally this is my daughter in there, but physically she is still "property" of the orphanage at least for 7 more days, but still I began to feel offended at some level like "How dare she yell at my Child?", then I flip flopped to maybe "My Child" deserved it, and then the worst what if she is yelling at my child because she is angry at me because I am here at the wrong time of day and bringing treats for the kids without asking. All of these thoughts are interrupted when Natasha, Kseniya, and Anya who had obviously been crying show up next to me. Anya is sad, and I am sad for her and have no idea what is going on, she hands me her camera and walks up stairs. Then Ksenyia begins to translate for Natasha who is talking to me and about completely different things, and I am just wondering is she going to tell me why "my daughter" is crying? Sh never tells me, like it never happened. She has Kseniya tell asks me if I need transcripts from Anya's school and where is Nadiya, and did she ever discuss our visitation schedule with us( which the answer is no, because no one ever told her) and also if we would prefer to take Anya out of the orphanage each day for our visits. After this Natasha leaves and I feel more relaxed just talk to Kseniya alone. I first tell her of course we would prefer to take Anya out for our visits, but that we had been told we could not anymore, apparently this has now changed and they would prefer that we take her out. She is going to be in school the rest of the week from 8-12:30 and we should take her from 2PM-6PM each day out to do whatever as long as we tell them what this whatever will include. Then I tell her we do need the transcripts from school. And could she tell me why Anya was getting yelled at, and crying, and did this have anything to do with us showing up early with the treats? She assures me that this had nothing to do with us, just Anya has been not doing her part to help out and is no longer respectful of the teachers and things like that. Like Matt wrote about in one of his older post the "short timer" attitude. So I guess she did deserve it, maybe it sounded a lot worse because I cannot understand the language. And I have learned all Ukrainian sounds like yelling and anger even when it is not. Anyway the good news is we can now leave with Anya as soon as she comes back down.

No luck- Anya finally after about 25 minutes reappears and needs a lot of hugs and holding to recover, before she perks up again. I think she was embarrassed because she knew she was acting like a little jerk to her caregivers. So we tell her we can leave with her and she refuses! She wants to stay at the center! What! We thought we were free at last from these boring visits, and she wants to stay. Matt figures it is because she knows she will leave soon, and she is going to miss her "home". So we end up outside with Nastiya and the Fields doing all the same soccer games and eating the Pringles like the days before. We decided we would let her do this for just today then the next days we will at least split the time, leave for an hour or two then spend the rest of the visit there at her center. I think Matt communicated this the best he could to her, and she didn't seem to object, we will find out soon. It is 12:30 on Tuesday as I am writing and we are planning to go to get her at 2:00 today.

Nothing else exciting to write about. We ended our day by having pizza again at the same place with Brian and Tami. Food was good and service was too, we now have a favorite waitress who loves Matt because he tips her(most people do not tip in Ukraine, Nadiya says it is not expected)This favorite waitress makes sure we get the best comfortable booth she has available and always wants us to sit at her tables. She is wonderful! I did post a few new pictures from Sunday, but not many too much of the same things to see each day. I hope to ask Kseniya today about some museums or sights to see in Mariupol to help us get thru the next few days. More later love to all of you back home. I miss you!