Thought I would chime in here with some thoughts. I tried to discourage Aimee from composing such a lengthy “Post” for the Blog-you can see how that went!
Something that has become quite clear (those who have been through this process may, or may not agree); there is no template for this process that can extend to each situation, a lesser sense of anxiety and/or apprehension about how things will develop with each passing day. My suggestion; let it come to you with as much of an understanding and willingness for adaptation as possible. Each individual ought to strive to come to an inner understanding that; no, this doesn’t make sense, no, it isn’t how we do things in the states and, no, it isn’t fair (or is it?). Those who thrive and/or survive on deadlines or strict procedural adherence may not survive this very well. It’s an adventure-approach it as such. Everyone’s situation will have few similarities and more personal differences-each its own story.
Our particular situation has had no sense of what I envisioned it would be. We’ve had a wonderful facilitator, more than adequate accommodations-paying 50%-70% less than budgeted, less than ½ the fees for cabs & I can feel myself getting fatter by the day because the food is available, good and cheap. We saw Anya before meeting the Director; we were specifically told that our “donation” was needed for a specific “large” purchase, so there was no “gnawing” feeling in the gut when given! For those of you wondering where all that money goes; it goes toward new interior painting and wood work, new windows for heat, some landscaping-it goes where it is supposed to. This particular director cares for these kids and it shows. The kids love her. Anya has told us that if she could, she’d bring Ludmilla.
Our “orphan child” has her own apartment; never expected to visit my new 15 year olds new place! She was hospitalized when we arrived, simultaneously with our 15 year old at home-I shrug my shoulders-no big deal, quite the opposite for “Mama Bear”. Phone calls back and forth to the ER in Colorado, marching around with that female march; steps that originate from focused, determination to properly coordinate an ER visit from 9000 miles away, the sort of steps that can only originate from swiveling hips (men; you know those steps-they strike the floor with a totally different force and tone!). My experience has taught me that this particular “step” is also set into motion when I demonstrate, though unintentionally, a unique ability to completely devalue the concern and anxiety over such situations. My capacity to stay entirely comfortable on a couch or chair, continue to do whatever it is I was doing (probably eating on said couch or chair) demonstrating little, to no empathy for the situation at hand is, at times, the stuff legends are made of. At times, my lovely wife’s reactions are equally as legendary! I must say that watching her coordinate the crisis was impressive. I got fatter!
Did I mention that wearing a rear-view mirror, like when riding a bike, may be something to consider when walking down a sidewalk? In Ukraine, sidewalks are nothing more than raised sections of the street.
We saw Nastiya (Field’s) on Monday. She is the last one from our group that came in March 2007. She recognized us, walked right up, hugged Aimee, she let us take a picture and promptly left.
We were able to see Anya for about 5 hours today. Ate lunch, took a short walk and then took her back to the hospital so she could be released as soon as possible. We went straight to the orphanage to take care of some paper work items; otherwise known as “donations”, by the time we got there, Anya was already there! Policies and procedures at the hospital are, well, nowhere to be found. People come in and leave at will, no check –in or check-out, nothing. Overall, there is very little regulation concerning things that we, as Americans, are accustomed to having regulated. Driving patterns are nothing short of controlled chaos, yet few accidents (you don’t hear emergency sirens, unless someone can’t find a cigarette lighter) and no police cars or law enforcement to speak of. Maybe that’s what the guys in fatigues carrying machine guns are for? It makes me wonder: why do we think we have so many more freedoms than places like this? There is a sense of understanding regarding personal responsibility here. For example: pedestrians know that vehicles are bigger and outweigh them and that in the event of coming into contact with one-they lose! Therefore, they watch where they walk and yield accordingly as opposed to the states where pedestrians and bicyclists dare you to hit them!
The second time we saw Anya we took her to our place and hung out-it was a blast. She’s starting to come to grips that she is accepted as she is into this family. The more time she spends injured, hospitalized, over-eating Pringles, trying to buy jeans that are too small or buying stiletto boots with 6 inch heels, being completely indecisive about items when shopping or where to eat, losing jewelry, or smiling at me to get what she wants (followed by a glare and a lightning-shot glance; within seconds of smiling and not getting what she wants!), the more she’ll fit into this family of mostly women. Underwear shopping was a treat. I was told to look away or turn my back. I then heard talk of “Playboy”. Yep! There it was in all its glory. Nothing a firm, “Nyet!” and eye-to-eye contact didn’t clear up quickly. Dad=1, 15 year old female Ukrainian=0! This also worked on the smallest, black mini-skirt I’ve ever seen. However, I’m not altogether unreasonable; I offered to buy it for Aimee! Remember the scene in “Shrek” where he laughs at himself? It was a very cold, lonely moment when Aimee, Nadia and Anya just stared in total self-righteous disbelief. Oh, and for all my lovely girls at home, see, I’m consistent; this goes for you, too!!
Happy birthdays to my lovely daughters: Heather, 18 and Taylor 16. And the lovely Jasmine; I know you’re disappointed about your ankle and volleyball-it’ll be OK. You were great. And of course, the always lovely Haley: thanks for all you’re doing while we are gone. And happy birthday to Deanna.
Translation lesson: when 2 women speaking in Ukrainian at a huge shopping mall exchange the word, “Da”, simultaneously, it translates into: “Get out the wallet”-and I’m not kidding! Each time this occurs you will also get two sets of eyes burning right into your skull. There is no remedy for the burning sensation other than the obvious.
Sunday night we took a 3 mile walk to find Wi-Fi. We found it. Coming back to our apartment we ran right into a gigantic, Sunday night party covering about 10 square blocks. There was huge stage with one of Ukraine’s top female rock stars and probably 10,000-15,000 people. I base my estimate on what I saw at sold-out Denver Nuggets games. Lots of black, lots of high heels, short skirts, smoking, walk- up sidewalk bars, oh, and loud! We went home to watch, “Sleepless n Seattle”. Any idea how hard it is to watch a movie like this during a Ukrainian party/riot? Totally wrecks the mood! Did I mention lots of high heels and short skirts?
Not many people look you in the eye or acknowledge you when walking down the street. This has less to do with being unfriendly and more to do with having to watch where you walk as the sidewalks/dirt paths are anything but straight and level. You don’t see any skate-boarding or roller-blades. It would be more of an extreme sport, or full contact sport; man v. sidewalk, man v. vehicle (cars, trains, buses, military vehicles, trolley cars…)
Watching Aimee and Nadia interrelate is interesting. They act alike, laugh at the same things, express similar opinions about almost everything. It’s more like watching two close sisters relate to each other. Needless to say, one of their favorite subjects/targets is me and men in general. Even without hearing the specifics, I can turn, look at them and know. They totally validate each other in every opinion, position and point of view-Aimee doesn’t need any additional validating; if you don’t believe me on anything else-believe that! So for me, I’m engaged in defense of the male gender on two fronts-East and West; Blonde and Brunette; English and Ukrainian. Nadia is currently reading, “Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus”, everything you can imagine is being discussed and scrutinized. For those who are feeling empathetic at this point; thank you. Men; my resolve is solid, I will not concede! It’s a tough battle, but someone’s got to fight it!
One thing I can’t get past is the number of big, gigantic, concrete buildings that rise into the air or spread out over acres and are totally incomplete-large concrete skeletons-everywhere. Signs of decades of Soviet occupation are everywhere. Some of the neighborhoods give me the sense of starring in “Saving Private Ryan”. The closer you get to the center of Mariupol, though, the architecture is stunning.
One more thing: don’t slam doors of cabs, they hate that and you don’t need to speak or understand Ukrainian to know this. I’ve not quite figured out the line between “closing” and “slamming”. We’ve paid less than $3.00/per ride ($10grv-$20grv) which is about 2-3 miles and cabs are everywhere and drive everywhere. What you and I would consider “on-coming” traffic is actually a passing lane.
More pictures added.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Matt's View on this trip so far
Thought I would chime in here with some thoughts. I tried to discourage Aimee from composing such a lengthy “Post” for the Blog-you can see how that went!
Something that has become quite clear (those who have been through this process may, or may not agree); there is no template for this process that can extend to each situation, a lesser sense of anxiety and/or apprehension about how things will develop with each passing day. My suggestion; let it come to you with as much of an understanding and willingness for adaptation as possible. Each individual ought to strive to come to an inner understanding that; no, this doesn’t make sense, no, it isn’t how we do things in the states and, no, it isn’t fair (or is it?). Those who thrive and/or survive on deadlines or strict procedural adherence may not survive this very well. It’s an adventure-approach it as such. Everyone’s situation will have few similarities and more personal differences-each its own story.
Our particular situation has had no sense of what I envisioned it would be. We’ve had a wonderful facilitator, more than adequate accommodations-paying 50%-70% less than budgeted, less than ½ the fees for cabs & I can feel myself getting fatter by the day because the food is available, good and cheap. We saw Anya before meeting the Director; we were specifically told that our “donation” was needed for a specific “large” purchase, so there was no “gnawing” feeling in the gut when given! For those of you wondering where all that money goes; it goes toward new interior painting and wood work, new windows for heat, some landscaping-it goes where it is supposed to. This particular director cares for these kids and it shows. The kids love her. Anya has told us that if she could, she’d bring Ludmilla.
Our “orphan child” has her own apartment; never expected to visit my new 15 year olds new place! She was hospitalized when we arrived, simultaneously with our 15 year old at home-I shrug my shoulders-no big deal, quite the opposite for “Mama Bear”. Phone calls back and forth to the ER in Colorado, marching around with that female march; steps that originate from focused, determination to properly coordinate an ER visit from 9000 miles away, the sort of steps that can only originate from swiveling hips (men; you know those steps-they strike the floor with a totally different force and tone!). My experience has taught me that this particular “step” is also set into motion when I demonstrate, though unintentionally, a unique ability to completely devalue the concern and anxiety over such situations. My capacity to stay entirely comfortable on a couch or chair, continue to do whatever it is I was doing (probably eating on said couch or chair) demonstrating little, to no empathy for the situation at hand is, at times, the stuff legends are made of. At times, my lovely wife’s reactions are equally as legendary! I must say that watching her coordinate the crisis was impressive. I got fatter!
Did I mention that wearing a rear-view mirror, like when riding a bike, may be something to consider when walking down a sidewalk? In Ukraine, sidewalks are nothing more than raised sections of the street.
We saw Nastiya (Field’s) on Monday. She is the last one from our group that came in March 2007. She recognized us, walked right up, hugged Aimee, she let us take a picture and promptly left.
We were able to see Anya for about 5 hours today. Ate lunch, took a short walk and then took her back to the hospital so she could be released as soon as possible. We went straight to the orphanage to take care of some paper work items; otherwise known as “donations”, by the time we got there, Anya was already there! Policies and procedures at the hospital are, well, nowhere to be found. People come in and leave at will, no check –in or check-out, nothing. Overall, there is very little regulation concerning things that we, as Americans, are accustomed to having regulated. Driving patterns are nothing short of controlled chaos, yet few accidents (you don’t hear emergency sirens, unless someone can’t find a cigarette lighter) and no police cars or law enforcement to speak of. Maybe that’s what the guys in fatigues carrying machine guns are for? It makes me wonder: why do we think we have so many more freedoms than places like this? There is a sense of understanding regarding personal responsibility here. For example: pedestrians know that vehicles are bigger and outweigh them and that in the event of coming into contact with one-they lose! Therefore, they watch where they walk and yield accordingly as opposed to the states where pedestrians and bicyclists dare you to hit them!
The second time we saw Anya we took her to our place and hung out-it was a blast. She’s starting to come to grips that she is accepted as she is into this family. The more time she spends injured, hospitalized, over-eating Pringles, trying to buy jeans that are too small or buying stiletto boots with 6 inch heels, being completely indecisive about items when shopping or where to eat, losing jewelry, or smiling at me to get what she wants (followed by a glare and a lightning-shot glance; within seconds of smiling and not getting what she wants!), the more she’ll fit into this family of mostly women. Underwear shopping was a treat. I was told to look away or turn my back. I then heard talk of “Playboy”. Yep! There it was in all its glory. Nothing a firm, “Nyet!” and eye-to-eye contact didn’t clear up quickly. Dad=1, 15 year old female Ukrainian=0! This also worked on the smallest, black mini-skirt I’ve ever seen. However, I’m not altogether unreasonable; I offered to buy it for Aimee! Remember the scene in “Shrek” where he laughs at himself? It was a very cold, lonely moment when Aimee, Nadia and Anya just stared in total self-righteous disbelief. Oh, and for all my lovely girls at home, see, I’m consistent; this goes for you, too!!
Happy birthdays to my lovely daughters: Heather, 18 and Taylor 16. And the lovely Jasmine; I know you’re disappointed about your ankle and volleyball-it’ll be OK. You were great. And of course, the always lovely Haley: thanks for all you’re doing while we are gone. And happy birthday to Deanna.
Translation lesson: when 2 women speaking in Ukrainian at a huge shopping mall exchange the word, “Da”, simultaneously, it translates into: “Get out the wallet”-and I’m not kidding! Each time this occurs you will also get two sets of eyes burning right into your skull. There is no remedy for the burning sensation other than the obvious.
Sunday night we took a 3 mile walk to find Wi-Fi. We found it. Coming back to our apartment we ran right into a gigantic, Sunday night party covering about 10 square blocks. There was huge stage with one of Ukraine’s top female rock stars and probably 10,000-15,000 people. I base my estimate on what I saw at sold-out Denver Nuggets games. Lots of black, lots of high heels, short skirts, smoking, walk- up sidewalk bars, oh, and loud! We went home to watch, “Sleepless n Seattle”. Any idea how hard it is to watch a movie like this during a Ukrainian party/riot? Totally wrecks the mood! Did I mention lots of high heels and short skirts?
Not many people look you in the eye or acknowledge you when walking down the street. This has less to do with being unfriendly and more to do with having to watch where you walk as the sidewalks/dirt paths are anything but straight and level. You don’t see any skate-boarding or roller-blades. It would be more of an extreme sport, or full contact sport; man v. sidewalk, man v. vehicle (cars, trains, buses, military vehicles, trolley cars…)
Watching Aimee and Nadia interrelate is interesting. They act alike, laugh at the same things, express similar opinions about almost everything. It’s more like watching two close sisters relate to each other. Needless to say, one of their favorite subjects/targets is me and men in general. Even without hearing the specifics, I can turn, look at them and know. They totally validate each other in every opinion, position and point of view-Aimee doesn’t need any additional validating; if you don’t believe me on anything else-believe that! So for me, I’m engaged in defense of the male gender on two fronts-East and West; Blonde and Brunette; English and Ukrainian. Nadia is currently reading, “Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus”, everything you can imagine is being discussed and scrutinized. For those who are feeling empathetic at this point; thank you. Men; my resolve is solid, I will not concede! It’s a tough battle, but someone’s got to fight it!
One thing I can’t get past is the number of big, gigantic, concrete buildings that rise into the air or spread out over acres and are totally incomplete-large concrete skeletons-everywhere. Signs of decades of Soviet occupation are everywhere. Some of the neighborhoods give me the sense of starring in “Saving Private Ryan”. The closer you get to the center of Mariupol, though, the architecture is stunning.
One more thing: don’t slam doors of cabs, they hate that and you don’t need to speak or understand Ukrainian to know this. I’ve not quite figured out the line between “closing” and “slamming”. We’ve paid less than $3.00/per ride ($10grv-$20grv) which is about 2-3 miles and cabs are everywhere and drive everywhere. What you and I would consider “on-coming” traffic is actually a passing lane.
More pictures added.
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2 comments:
Oh Matt! I am getting a really good laugh out of your blog! You too, are a very good writer! I'm liking Aimee more and more. Here I thought she was so quiet and shy. Don't worry that the entries are too long, you will cherish the details when you get back.
I am glad to hear that the money is going to renovations of the orphanage and not to Cruella. Keep up the writing, it makes for a good laugh so early in the morning!
hi matt, i thought that this was so funny. sounds like you are way out numbered in everthing but i dont think that will really ever change cuz your with women all the time. but you know we all love you.
i was relly happy to read your blog. thanks for all the pictures.
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