Home just over two weeks now...

We have been home just over two weeks now and so much has happened. I have wanted to update for some time now but have never found the time or energy to do so. Anya I have decided is very much like a newborn. A 5 foot 6 inch, 135 pound, bilingual new born. She is soo needy! And demanding of all of our attention. Very jealous of the computer time. Today she is at school all day with our daughter Jasmine, who is attending the same High School Anya will attend beginning in January. She is doing what they call a "shadow day" where she follows Jasmine all over thru her day just to observe and become more comfortable with the whole idea of the school. So I am thrilled to have some alone time!! Oh yes and my wonderful husband Matt, started back to work on Monday, so I am truly alone for the first time in 2 months. No more 24/7 Matt!! Not that I don't love him and enjoy my time with him but enough is enough already. Thank you God for healing his ankle!! Back to Anya and the update. She has become increasingly angry and difficult. She is very anxious about school and overwhelmed by the size of the place. She is afraid of all the newness. Her English is pretty good, much better than we expected but she is still afraid that she will not understand her teachers and they will not understand her. All this anxiety came to a head on last Sunday night. We had scheduled a meeting for Tuesday at the school to have her English comprehension tested, and just thinking of that sent her into a big fit. This ended up in her digressing into all Ukrainian/Russian words and screaming at me because I don't understand her. I had to get firm and tell her to go away from me if she was going to keep yelling at me. I told her no Russian, give me a little English and I would listen, or else go away! She did not handle this perceived rejection from me very well, and she stormed off to her room and of course slammed the door. We get the door slams a lot! So I continued on making dinner and a while later Haley went up to tell Anya it was time for dinner and she got yelled at too, sorry Haley! Anya came down to dinner but did not stay long enough to eat. She ended up back in her room after another Russian screaming fit. After about an hour had passed she came down to me again, now in the middle of cleaning up dinner dishes, and she showed me her arm. Anya had taken Scissors and cut about 29 slashes into her self. And she wanted me to react in a panic, I was fairly calm thank you very much. I told her that was a bad choice and if she chooses to hurt herself then I do not want to see and I will not be around it. She was shocked, her plan did not work. Then she tried to convince me it was funny, that did not work. None of this was getting her the reaction she had hoped for, not from me and not from Papa. The rest of the evening I was secretly furious at her but did not let her see it. She then turned to her favorite game of feel sorry for me. The rest of the night she followed me around and repeatedly told me how bad, stupid, and unloved she is but all along she sat very close practically forcing me to touch her. I know she is hurting and trying desperately to communicate her needs. but I refuse to give her that type of negative attention. The next day we started therapy. Anya did some hard work, I am very proud of her making this type of effort. She talked a bit about her abuse from her mom, and the anger she has at her dad for giving her up and at her grandma for dying and leaving her alone with her mother. She gave some specific details about severe abuse that landed her in the hospital, and it was soo hard for me not to cry. Anya gets really upset when I cry, and I do not want these sessions to become about me, but continue to be about her healing and grieving. Our therapist thinks Anya is safe and not truly suicidal but truly angry and hurting which we knew, but it feels good to hear it from the professional. Anya has not cut herself again as far as I know, hopefully that was an isolated incident. We believe she assumed if she acted out enough she would avoid having to go to school. She now knows that can't work. We have decided after having her tested to enroll her in the ESL program and ease her into it a little bit at a time. The staff at her school have been wonderful and understanding of her needs. Anya will do two of the shadow days before Thanksgiving break week, then begin English classes one period a day four days per week. Then we will have two week Christmas break and she will begin a full schedule as a freshman January 5th, that is the beginning of the second semester so it works out nicely. Anya will be taking 2 beginning English classes and one Literacy class designed for kids whom English is not their first language. She will also take what is referred to as PLATO Lab Math. This a program designed to help kids get the basic concepts of math if they have missed it along the way. It is done on the computer which Anya likes, and done at an individual pace. She will take PE everyday to help her by providing movement and a break from sitting all day, besides Anya loves almost all sports. Jasmine will be in PE with her and also in her Art class and lunch period. We have designed it this way so Anya gets some contact with someone familiar thru out her day. Jasmine has been a great sister to Anya, all of the girls have really. They are putting up with a lot of Anya's outbursts, and so much attention going towards Anya, and yet they are still willing to love her, play with her, and help her when ever she wants and needs it. We are so blessed to have such great kids. Thank you Haley, Jasmine and Taylor so much!!! Anya's last class will be Keyboarding, she choose this one because she likes computers, but does not know how to type well. I think it will be fairly easy to understand for her, mostly visual rather than verbal. I am really looking forward to Anya beginning school, it will keep her focused on something other than self pitty and hopefully boost her confidence. Anya has been to the dentist twice now, and returns next Wednesday to fill four more cavities. She did really good the first time just cleaning and x-rays. Yesterday was a long hard appointment, but again her understanding of verbal English was such a blessing, it really helped with her fear level. She had to have 6 cavities done on the right side top and bottom. Two of the cavities were really deep all the way to the nerve ending, but stoped just short of that so she was not having much pain from it. It took about an hour and a half to complete. Anya was tired and sore all the rest of the day, so she watched cartoons and lied on the coach most of the afternoon and evening. It was a nice change to have quiet Anya, but sad she was hurting. Anya will also go to the orthodontist on Wednesday to get a consult about the replacement of her front top tooth, it was knocked out in 2004 as a result of abuse by her mother. The tooth next to it has shifted over into it's slot and we may end up having to extract one that is pretty bad further back to allow room for the teeth to move and a false one to be eventually placed. Matt and I are thrilled about the possibility of having four girls in braces or some type of ortho treatment all at once!! Jasmine is in full braces for about a year now, Haley is scheduled to begin in January, Taylor who had braces in 3-5th grades, yet refused to wear her retainer during 6th grade, now has teeth that have shifted again and is looking at more time in braces. And now Anya, no idea how we will afford this, hoping the orthodontist will take pity and give us at least a small break or discount. Halloween with Anya was very interesting. She did NOT want to dress up or go Trick or Treating, but at one point she and I did wear witch hats while giving out candy. The other girls went Trick or treating with Friends and or were at their other parents for the week, Haley is the only one who stopped by our neighborhood, so I could take a picture. Matt, Anya & I sat on the front porch and roasted hot dogs and brats on the outdoor fireplace while giving out candy. We also roasted the little smoked sausages and put them on toothpicks to give out to the trick or treaters, and the parents who were with them. Anya now thinks this is how it is done, so we have started a tradition that will have to continue. She got very good at saying "Sausage or Candy, or both" oh and "Happy Halloween" all which was done in a scary witch voice followed by some really "scary" phrases in Russian, which normally set the kids running from the yard. Towards the end of the night we added our Ukrainian candy to the bowl, cause we were running low. We had a group of high school kids come by and take this candy, one kid stopped and recognized it as Russian candy. Turns out he and his family are Russians, immigrated here about 15 years ago when he was 3. His name is Anton and he lives here in Longmont. He and Anya spoke for a while in Russian and exchanged phone numbers. We are glad she met a friend but a little worried about him being male and two to three years older than her. We have since ran into the problem of her inviting him over with out our knowledge (because we can;t understand the phone conversations) and he shows up at the worst times and we have to ask him to leave. She has not figured out the concept of asking parents for permission, and family time. This happened one day when Jessica Carlson and Luba(who was adopted from Anya's orphanage last November) showed up to visit and welcome her home. Luba is 9 now. She loves Anya very much. Anya was rather upset after they left because Luba is no longer speaking Russian. Luba has decided she does not want to keep her Russian, Anya very much wants to and is afraid if she learns English and speaks it too much she will forget. Anyway it was very good to see Jessica and Luba and meet the new baby Rylee. She is adorable. (pictures of them are on the picasa site) I found out thru this experience of playing on the floor with Rylee that Anya would not handle me watching babies well at all. I am reassured of my decision to stop doing day care for the babies, was the right thing to do, even though I miss that a lot. Anya was upset with me giving attention to the baby and came down onto the floor with us and laid on my lab and told me SHE was MY baby! and then "no I not baby, but teenager" "Your teenager baby" and I agreed she is just like I said my teenage infant. Anya has talked to Kolya Hickman once on the phone.( he is another boy who came home from her orphanage over the summer, they also live here in Denver) She was happy that Kolya was speaking Russian to her. He has decided I am told to "Keep" his Russian. Wendy says he has a boy his age who is Russian and they get together often to play, I think that is great. Anya got to have lunch with Luda Weaver, Barbara daughter(16 adopted from Ukraine at 14) the first week we were home. This was soo good for her. She really loves the comfort of speaking to friends in her native language. I hope her and Luda become close friends. They live real close to us only about 20 minutes. We also introduced her to Leah, a girl who works at our King Soopers, she has been waiting to meet Anya for over a year. She too was adopted at age 14, she is now 18 but has kept the Russian language. We have had a little time with the Barrett's Johnny and Twyla and their two little ones of course still speak Russian. Anya really likes both Mari and Misha, but Misha is still a little shy of Anya. He won't talk to her much, but hoping that will change as we see them more. We had lunch with other good friends Richard and Cindy Houghton who adopted Adam last August from Ukraine. He is 6. Adam speaks mostly English now, and claims not to remember any Russian. I was told later that when the kids were down stairs playing games away from us parents, that Adam did in fact remember, understand and speak some Russian to Anya. That is very interesting to me. I just wonder what that is all about? And of course Nastiya Fields who came home on Saturday, Yeah!! They have talked once on the phone since then. Brian and Tami Fields were the couple that were in Mariupol with us and we all have become very close, Ukraine has a great way of bonding people. Not only did Matt and I bond with Brian and Tami, but Anya and Nastiya together because they were both going thru the adoption process together and they spent so much time during the Visits together, I hope we remain good friends/family for a very long time.

Anya has two weeks of lots of new people. She has meet and spent some time with most of our extended families which at times is over stimulating for her, and wears her out being introduced to everyone and all the cousins are overwhelming to her at times, but I think it is good to do a little at a time before the holidays hit. So our first two weeks has been a big mixture of good times, bad times, and lots of emotions, but over all it is good. We know it was the right thing to do and Anya is meant to be a part of this family. We have a lot of hard work ahead of us, but it is worth it and all the reward that is too come in her growing into a successful person will make all these trials seem minor one day.

Got to end now meeting Twyla for lunch to enjoy "my time" away from the ever present Anya. Posted some more pictures of her time home so far. I hope to write again later.

Power Of Attorney, bad info. and Idol worship!!

October 28th, 2008

The Swiss Alps are amazing from 35,000 feet. They appear as jagged edged, dark ice-bergs in a sea of clouds. It’s a lot for those like me who do not fly much. I can never get enough of sitting in a window seat and just staring out. This time, however, that seat is occupied by Anya who left her country for good about two hours ago. She didn’t cry, didn’t talk much; it was rather solemn. I can only wonder what that must feel like. When I left for Ukraine five weeks ago, I knew I had to endure the loss of language for a short period of time. Anya is now faced with the anxiety and loss permanently. She said goodbye to Sergei this morning about 7AM, our driver for most of our stay in Kiev; he was awesome. He NEVER stops talking, knows the city’s history, is proud of Ukraine, and is nothing short of professional. He will forever be the last person from her home country whom she would speak with her native tongue before she boarded the flight to take her to her new home. When we lifted off she left her resident soil. I think it caused me more sadness than her as it is doing so as I write this. I can only hope that I do not dismiss that loss and provide the support and empathy she will need to transition; we’ll see. We got to spend our last day in Kiev going to the US Embassy again. We were told early on that Anya was party to civil action involving her mother. Her mother “illegally” sold an apartment/flat that was Anya’s property as well. The orphanage has to have “Power Of Attorney” to represent her now that she can no longer personally attend the hearings, which she has been doing. We composed and signed the necessary paperwork last Monday in Mariupol for the Ukraine Social Services to allow the orphanage this power (it is overseen and approved by them). Monday we were informed that the court hearing had been set for next week! We were told this would not occur for quite some time and would have time once in the states to compose this letter, have it reviewed and submit it at a later date. In typical Ukrainian fashion, everything changed last minute and they had to have it before we left the country-thanks for that! 9AM; US Embassy for an hour having them help us compose and submit the “Power Of Attorney” and get notarized there. Then off to the Ukraine Ministry Of Foreign Affairs for two hours of fun and games. At this point in the process I’ve had it up to my eye-balls with Ukraine lines and the non-stop pushing to the front mentality. I make myself as big as possible and dig-in!! No one is getting in front of me. I was immovable, made it obvious and didn’t mind responding in broken Russian, fluent English. They are actually irritated that I was ahead of them and I won’t let them by-too bad! This loss of patience manifested itself Sunday night in a taxi ride home from St. Michaels. Earlier, the ride to this area (around Independence Square) cost me $6.00USD (three times the cost of similar rides in Mariupol). This moron tried to charge me $15.00! Doesn’t sound like much, I know, but I’ve had it! A rapid fire exchange in Russian/English developed and fast. I gave him $10.00 (more like wadded it up and threw it in his lap), told him a few things, as only one can when not from the country AND, the frosting on the cake….SLAMMED THE DOOR! Remember, they hate that! While we were still at this office, the, “…language superiority” subordinating reared its ugly head in a manner that finally had me turning to Anya and making it very clear she was waiting outside. She was stunned that I actually thought that, as an adult who didn’t speak the language, I felt as though I could manage this without her snotty sneers, document snatching and loud, obnoxious comments. She wheeled around as if to say, “You poor, inept, bumbling, language-challenged, idiot; you will come running for me to save you”. Nope! 10 minutes later I had composed all the right paperwork, in Russian, had it paid for and submitted, receipt in hand and walking out the door. Dad (at this point) =76; 15 year old Ukrainian female=0! We then spent the next four hours going to THEE biggest monastery, “The Kyiv-Pechorek Historical Preserve” and the Military monuments that are about one kilometer away. If you go nowhere else in Kyiv, go to these two places first; they are absolutely incredible. St. Michaels, St. Sophia’s and St. Andrews would be next on my list. The military monument is very moving and full of every type of weaponry imaginable.

We went back to the Ministry Of Foreign Affairs where, once again, I make my stand in the “line” to pick up the equivalent of an apostiled document. 45 minutes later I’m out. It would turn out to be the last prolonged wait in a line for this process.

November 1st, 2008

Although I had the above paragraphs composed on our flight over France last Tuesday, they are a part of this post for good reason. As I drew near to the end of the last paragraph, I paused for a moment and, for whatever reason it hit me that Aimee and I had completely misinformed those who wanted or needed to know of our actual return date! All the flight information was correct-we had simply failed to remember we gain nine hours! We are about ½ way across France. I turned to Aimee to inform her. In that moment, I knew that I was about to start a wave of panic that held the potential of reaching monumental status in our history of “panic-stricken” moments (and we have had more in 6 years of marriage than most people have in a life-time!!). It came out, though; “We told everyone the wrong date”. With the ticket as a visual, I thoughtfully, lovingly, quietly and correctly explained. Aimee has, without doubt, the most amazingly large, beautiful, almond shaped eyes I have ever personally seen-they got bigger, and I watched the realization of my insight become reality!

PANIC! We discussed what to do-and by that, I actually mean; Aimee decided what to do (some things are just better left as a “one-way” conversation). We would simply give as much notice possible via the “in-flight” phone. Who cares that it’s $11.00/minute, right? We would simply call two or three people who we knew could relay the information for us. We spent nearly 20 minutes trying to use the phone with no success. We asked the stewardess; she has no answers but will ask the captain, however, he’s busy announcing over the intercom that there is a medical emergency and if there is a medical professional on board, their assistance is required. Shamefully, my first thought; I have a call to make! It was actually my first, second and third thought (we ALL tend to be self-serving). Don’t give me any of that, “Oh, how could you?”, or, “I would never have had those thoughts-my first thought would have been for the person in distress!”-Shut up already! Human nature is exactly what it is-nature. We don’t “naturally” have the right thoughts immediately, or, perhaps, ever! We may eventually get there. By “eventually”, I mean; it can happen within seconds or even years. Were our thoughts immediately “righteous” and/or “pure”-we would have no need for a savior; we would be so unto ourselves. If you’re wondering about my statements, are disturbed by them or have never even pondered this, try actually reading what the Apostle Paul said about “human nature” in the book of Romans. I am by no stretch of the imagination a theologian or pretend to know things in detail or great depth, but I do actually read my bible and never cease to be amazed at those who prescribe to “Christianity” and couldn’t even begin to articulate one intelligent thought about this, or other subjects and would be humiliated if asked when it was the last time they opened up God’s Word and familiarized themselves with it. We have many more important things that occupy our minds and time.

Has anyone else noticed that we have entire cable channels devoted to the complete understanding, breakdown and analysis of NFL Football games, college football games, MLB games, NBA games, how to build motorcycles, home improvement, cooking, golf(which I hate the most and I like golfing!), history, music, and even entertainment TV that reports and breaks down entertainment events-it’s obscene!!!!!!!!!! This list goes on and on. Can you imagine a group of pastors or bible scholars with an ESPN type format? Picture, if you will, the shows that have segments where former NFL greats, now “analysts”, get on a miniature football field (in suits) and proceed to walk through the elements of a developing “football play”. I actually get embarrassed for these guys. In ridiculous, slow motion fashion, they play touch football for a few seconds, talking to each other and informing us. What's worse is that there are in fact, people out there who watch this stuff. Now, if you will, we have our ministerial team doing the same thing; only they get to act out things like; “The Fall of Satan”, The Creation”, play-by-play analysis of, “The Original Sin”…the list is endless! Who wouldn’t want to watch these guys, on a miniature set, build the ark, analyze the Pentecost, break down the altercation between Samson and Delilah, the talking donkey, and the Book Of Revelation-are you kidding me? Instead of “Monday Night Football”, we would have “Monday Night Plan Of Redemption”. My point (and this may be my #1 pet-peeve): I believe that our culture has strayed so incredibly far and has become so clever at “self-justification”, that our “Idol worship” has morphed into a form that is so subtle and so indiscriminate that we don’t have a clue that it rises to the same level as the blatant idol worship of the bible. I could go on and on about this, but this is an adoption blog, right?

We used a BlackBerry from a gentleman sitting across the aisle from us to compose an E-mail to those we could. He had overheard out plight and became involved. I don’t fly much, but there seems to be a lot of “overhearing” of things on airplanes. We sent this message as soon as we landed in Chicago. Aimee was able to compose a text-message and sent it out at the same time as well as making calls, but, of course, the phone’s battery was almost gone as was my laptop’s battery. We landed nearly 30 minutes early. Great!!! Wrong! The aforementioned medical emergency ended with an 80 year old woman passing away about 200 miles west of London. Because she was from Michigan, they kept flying. They made us sit on the plane while they tended to this issue. Here again, I have to tell you my first thought: let us off the plane first! Remember in Romans when Paul really hammers it home, “…that which I don’t want to do, I keep doing!”-that’s me! We needed that extra time to navigate through US Immigration, US Customs, recheck our baggage, get on the train shuttle all the way from terminal 5 to terminal 1, run through the concourse to the gate to attempt to get Anya on our flight. We made it by five minutes and were able to do so-no thanks to Swiss Air. Don’t they know I have a plane to catch? Aimee and Anya were able to persuade a couple people to change seats and sit together, I was relegated to aisle 43, seat E! That’s right, folks, the center seat in the center aisle! I think the Lord reached down and physically shut my eye lids so I would survive. I don’t recall the take off and woke when I felt the jarring of the wheels hit the runway at DIA. I had no idea they could fit that many people on an airline.

I’m going to post this now as my new 15 year old just came down the stairs like a herd of buffaloes and informed me that we need to go on another bike ride like yesterdays-it was 6 miles and 30 minutes of quality time for us. It’s 8:00AM and I’ve been up since 3:30AM. Former orphans DO NOT let you forget how important they are to you and demand your time, relentlessly. Do not take such a decision lightly-it will change/improve your life dramatically because you don’t have time to be self-absorbed; and I like being self-absorbed! There will be more, like: Halloween last night (handing out smoked sausages from our outdoor fireplace), the arrival at DIA, Anya seeing her room for the first time, roof repair, her sisters, bowling, and, my favorite subject: AIMEE!!!

Home!

We're home. We're exhausted. More later.

Garrett's ARRIVE TONIGHT 10-28-08

To all! We totally messed up!!!!! We forgot about the time change. We gain 9 hours! We arrive tonight, the 28th @ 811PM Anya arrives @ 930PM, same flight information. Please call or E-mail anyone you know who planned on coming. I realized what we had done about 1/2 way across France. Tried calling but the on-flight phone is not working and will not be available for remainder of flight. I'm composing this @ 200PM, our time-approximately 8AM Colorado time. We will send this E-mail to those we have E-mail addresses for and those who wanted to be there-we don't have access to all those e-mail addresses. If you know any of these people and how to get hold of them, PLEASE do so!!! As soon as we land in Chicago this E-mail will send. Aimee is also sending out a "mass" text-message to those we have cell #'s for. We will also place as many calls as possible while in Chicago while trying to make it through Customs and Immigration. Cannot believe we did this-yes, I can! We are borrowing a BlackBerry from a nice gentleman seated across the aisle because, if you recall-I lost mine! Oh, and an 80 year old woman from Michigan died 10 minutes into the flight! SORRY! Matt and Aimee From 300 miles west of England

"Planes, Trains and Automobiles",coffee mugs and apparel ammo!

There's a scene in "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" that, although highly inappropriate, rings true for, I believe, all of us at some point. Steve Martin is standing at the rental car counter and lets the customer service rep. have it (several times) with, what I believe is the only word that really works sometimes. Before you go casting self-righteous daggers in my direction, let me qualify by saying that this word RARELY makes it out of mouth. For those of you can't help but gasp, I'd submit you're either disingenuous or disengaged-either way, relax!! We all have the same Saviour. And what is it with Steve Martin: "Planes, Trains and Automobiles", "Parenthood" (my favorite), "Father Of The Bride"...

What does this have to do with this "blog"? For those who are here or have been here-you know! For those who are coming or are digesting whether to come-you will know! To be sure, Aimee and I have had it good while here, save a few events (like yesterdays moronic taxi driver who took us to the wrong address then charged us $10.00USD for a $2.00USD ride). Aimee reminded me yesterday that I shouldn't be so negative. I agree-to a point(she always has good input). It's not that things have been "bad", they've been outside of the world that I've learned to navigate, outside my "comfort zone". However, we are going home with our new 15 year old on Tuesday. She's healthy. She's animated(oh, my God, is she animated!) She demonstrates remarkable empathy and forgiveness (like when "papa" refuses to leave St. Andrews and return home in the same direction so as not to get lost...........but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I take us in the exact opposite direction for an hour long "lost-fest" ending with the taxi ride home with the above mentioned). She tried to tell me, I didn't listen, frustrated her, cost me more than I should have paid and she still likes me. She adores her new "mama". She's got beautiful eyes, actually wears things we buy her (unlike other teenagers in our lives-love you guys!) and makes her bed every morning without a single, "Ya nye kochu!!" This is the phrase of choice for many things. If you hear it, look out! If I'm hearing and relating it correct, it means, "I don't want to!". I've learned to respond with, "Ochen zhal!"-"Too Bad!" As one of our commenter's mentioned; while they are still here, they love to exercise their "language superiority..." over you-subordinating you to their desires. I'm OK with this because in two days we will be surrounded by English and it will be at this point that all the frustrations, anxieties and experiences related to the language barrier will pay off as I will completely empathize with her frustration, not dismissing it, until she assimilates. Without this knowledge and personalization, I have no doubt I would have told her, "Ochen zhal". Now, I will know to provide comfort and support. While she will express her points, rather loudly, at the end she respects and complies with most everything.

Back to "that word". There have been moments here that it almost made an appearance. The policies and procedures that we think can be relied on don't happen here. The orphanage changed the visitation policy daily, if not more. Sometimes red-lights mattered, sometimes they didn't. There are moments with our Ukrainian Princess where all is as I envisioned it. At times I wonder what we've done exposing ourselves to this process as well as other family members. Oddly, I have no regrets whatsoever. In fact, I wish I had one or two more just to make it more fun as Aimee and I thrive on this type of activity. We have learned that the more we become involved with situations like this, the faster the days go and the less we spend worrying about ourselves. You become a participant in events and a life that slowly erodes selfishness and the "me-isms" that our culture worships. I compare it to sending a coin on a rolling path downward in a funnel: the deeper it goes towards its goal, the more it speeds up and stays on path to the bottom-focused, determined and no where else to go because it's committed and at the mercy of its destination AND it can't end up anywhere else. It has "promise" so to speak, of ending up where it was pointed. Strange analogy, I know. Perhaps there are some who look at it more like a toilet flushing-too bad for you. I have often wondered how people survived serving others, especially when that service was barely, if at all, recognized. The older I get the more clear this becomes. What is time on earth compared to eternity? Do the right things!! I don't pretend for a moment to be righteous. I don't always do the right things, in fact, I'm amazed at how far I can stray in thought and action. Those who follow adoption blogs and do things that really matter are after the heart of God. If I recall correctly, King David was, "...a man after God's own heart."; it doesn't say he found it! The Lord knows our efforts and knows we're not our own saviour.

Enough of the positives...men, if you're wife disappears in a public place after leaving for the bathroom, make an appearance on her behalf. Being stuck in a McDonald's bathroom will undermine her ability to go to the bathroom alone from there on out. All those years poking fun at women for going to the bathroom together will now undermine your manhood as you become the new "bathroom buddy". Try telling her "no" when she requests that you accompany her. Worse, try not feeling stupid when you're standing outside the women's bathroom door in Ukraine. It gets better: rent a flat on the same day where the bathroom door(you guessed it) can't be opened except for providing a butter knife that separates the door from the frame just enough to open-no anxiety for her there! You have to understand my wife; this girl is 100%, class grade AAA, pink wearing, dolled up, big-beautiful almond shaped eyes, over-reacting, trust issued, fantasy driven, mam-bear mentality, "I like it the way I like it" living, temperature intolerant (2 degrees either side of 72 degrees requires wardrobe change), "...don't walk on that floor I just mopped it!" touting, come kill this microscopic spider screaming, relentless hand washing, passenger-side pull down mirror blocking my safe line of sight using, freezing cold anatomy in the heat of summer, can't pull in or out of the garage without knocking off $300 mirrors driving, 7 pairs of shoes to Ukraine wearing, suitcase that doubles as an SUV bringing, chap stick wearing, Febrezing everything using, angelic smile flashing, American woman. My wife expects nothing less of me than to provide for her complete care and comfort. It's a huge motivator for me because I need goals and an adventure-although I'm really not one, she provides me with never-ending opportunities to be her "hero". Keeps me in tune with her. There is, in my opinion, a biblical basis for some of this: I believe men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Their was no subordinating, there was service. There were no harsh demands and/or expectations, there were gentle words and empathy. I cannot begin to claim these virtues as my own, quite the contrary (those who know me well or even those reading my words know this)but I try. King David, Samson, Moses, Peter were all "contrary".

Back to adoption blogging: I discovered the most difficult thing for us was the securing of usable, reasonable return tickets to actually get home. When I first booked our tickets back in mid-September, I guessed October 31st. Had to change them. Because of the "unknown", you can't secure these tickets until you know for sure that you're Embassy appointment will end with your visa in hand. By then, you're faced with flight availability and costs that can be frustrating. Back in the states, you rely on "guarantees" and reservations. That does not work in this process. All it takes is one thing and you're best made plans can sink. The worst part is that your best bet is to purchase a round trip ticket for your child/children knowing you will never use one leg of the trip. The airlines actually are shrewd here, they offer the tickets in this manner knowing that they will, many times, get paid for seats not used, then resell them. No wonder they're going out of business-it's not "9/11" and the cost of a barrel of oil, it's bad business practices on a grander, yet more subtle scale that is fostering a frustration among the paying public. Book your flights as soon as possible after your sure of your embassy appointment date.

Yesterday we walked to St. Andrews. All I can say is, "Awesome". There is a street that runs up to St. Andrews that is lined with booths of all kinds called Desyattyann St. It is completely tourist oriented and they sell almost anything you could want for taking back as gifts or for your own memories. The best thing to do is to start at one end and walk all the way up or down. Make mental notes of things you liked but do not buy them the first time through. Buy all the stuff the 2nd time through as you will find duplicate items at different prices, or at least similar items that you may like better than the first one you see. By the time we were done, we had small bags of items which I had the pleasure of carrying all day. We did allow Anya to buy quite a few things that were not to expensive. She's very proud of Ukraine and wanted lots of items, like a Ukrainian flag that will cover an entire wall of her bedroom. When I first declined, she whirled around and stated, "I like..it is my country...I'm leaving", I held out until she said, as only a Ukrainian teen age girl can, "PaPaaaa"! Wait 'til you hear that, guys!!! It was after we left the huge museum adjacent to St. Andrews that I lost my bearings. Go to the museum.

We also took Anya to the front gates of the SDA, where the process really began. It was a little surreal. Last time we were at that gate we were hoping and praying that the picture shown us was hers for the referral, now, we're thinking about suing...not really! Geez, relax! If you're one of those that knows you initially became unnerved by that, you need to relax. This is a very serious, life-changing process, at the same time you'll spontaneously explode if you can't approach it with humor. It may be a poor coping skill, but it works for me.

No cities, anywhere should be configured with converging streets anchored in large circles! I drive for UPS and I thrive on knowing where I'm going. Very frustrating to admit I literally went the opposite direction. When you see "Independence Square" on your way home and you live 2 miles from there and you didn't see it going to St. Andrews, that's a problem.

We've also discovered that in Kiev, you can eat out as cheap, if not cheaper, than you can buying groceries and cooking in your flat and you know what you're getting and your child can't pretend to be ordering what you pointed at and in reality ordering exactly what she wants. We approach being served our meals more as, "What is this? That's not what I pointed at!"-followed by, you guessed it, "...no speak English.."! Ya, right! Also, everything seems to be baked or fried inside some kind of cabbage or wrap of some sort. Be adventurous when biting into things. There's always some kind of cheese, meat, potato, veggie or God knows what else inside; as if not being able to read it wasn't a surprise enough.

I'd like to mention our cab ride while in Donetsk. We arrived in Donetsk at approximately 5:15PM on Tuesday. Nadiya hooked us up with a friend who had a car and knew the city well. What that really meant was that he knew how to be a complete maniac in order to get us where we needed to be. Had this not happened, Nadiya was going to have to stay in Donetsk overnight. We would have had to abandon the train ticket for her and buy a brand new one and pay for a place for her to stay. This guy sped around Donetsk using his car with the same recklessness as a cowboy would use his gun in the old west. At one point he ran his car balanced on rail road tracks (not rail car tracks-train tracks!) for about 50 yards. We got done in one hour what we were told would take all afternoon once in Donetsk. We made the train by 15 minutes.

After much debate, my wife and I have determined that the #1 thing we wished we had brought with us were our "travel-coffee mugs". They do not believe in any sort of take out or travel anything, here. If you're one for coffee and lots of it, bring one-they are no where to be found here. We resorted to saving a McDonald's coffee cup that came with a lid. This is the same cup that just collapsed from usage about 20 minutes ago and spilled all over the only pair of jeans Aimee could wear as well as the only sweater she wanted to wear-remember "that word"? Uh-huh!! It's little things like that that are now causing stress, and lots of it. This place and being out of control of most of what we do is really starting to take it's toll. We've both had it. Small amounts of miscommunication can lead to disasters, you can imagine what that does to things when it is almost non-existent. Like when I'm completely right and the lovely Aimee is wrong and the only way to communicate that is to lovingly shove her off the bed onto the floor, away from the computer (the bed is actually a low couch about 10 inches off the floor-it's not domestic violence unless it's higher than 12 inches above floor level, or until she reads this blog later and I'm never heard from or seen again). Remember that part about, "...being her hero..."? Not sure that's how she'd phrase it right now. And from a mathematical point of view: 7 pairs of shoes=14 rounds of ammunition. I choose to see myself as a war correspondent faithfully relating the events while under fire. Perhaps I now qualify for the G.I. bill and all the benefits thereof...

Our one remaining concern is getting Anya from Chicago to Denver on the last leg of the flight home. I'm not real concerned about this. Once US Immigration gets a dose of our Anya, they will slam her through the process and get her out as fast as possible and on her way. I can only imagine that watching each person come out of the walk-way from the plane at the terminal will be tense, although I also imagine we'll hear her 1/2 way across Iowa somewhere in an all to familiar tune...."Ya nye kachu"!

Off for more sight-seeing. Lots of pictures of the museum, we'll caption later.

Update from Kiev

Anya in her "Traveling Suit" on the train Today is Friday we are in Kiev. Papa and Anya are watching "Polar Express" and and eating Pringles, I have a few minutes to myself, this has become increasingly rare since Anya is now with us always. I feel like I have been on a non-stop emotional roller coaster since about Sunday before we left Mariupol. I am hoping that by writing some, it will allow me to recover and get back on track. Please forgive me if my thoughts are a little hard to follow, I am sure those of you who have been thru this process understand how it gets at the end of the trip. Sunday we went with Anya to visit her Grandmother's grave. This was one of the hardest things for me to observe since we arrived. We picked her up about 10:00am and first stopped to buy flowers to place on the graves. Both of her grandparents and a cousin where buried there, so she bought three sets of flowers. As most of you know already Anya was very close to her grandmother, who was the one person in her life that cared for her consistently and protected her from her mother's fits of rage. It was very sad to watch her grieve and say goodbye again. She cried in my arms and I felt very inadequate with the language barrier to comfort her. All I could do was hold her tight and let her cry. Monday was Anya's going away party at the orphanage this too ended up being a very sad emotional day for her. I came into this knowing that this child has experienced lots of trauma and loss, and that she will be grieving the loss of her identity and culture as we leave Ukraine, but I never fully expected it to be so difficult for me personally to see her in this type of pain and experience all of this first hand. The party itself was very organized and several of the children did dances and two of them sang songs. They are many talented kids in Anya's group. Anya wore a beautiful formal gown and she and an older boy did a nice ballroom type dance for us. Anya was OK during this portion but after she was done dancing and sitting next to me, the tears began to fall and did not stop for over an hour. After all the singing, dancing, and speeches were made and we were passing out fruit,Nastiya (Matthews) was hugging me and Ludmilla asked Nadiya to tell me that this was her last day here. She told me that tomorrow she would go with her mother. After the party Nastiya tried to talk to me more about this, she told me with her facial expressions and limited English words that she was sad for Mama & Papa meaning Dan & Joyce. I tried the best I could to let her know it was going to be Ok and Mama & Papa would be OK too. I told her to do the best she could and that her Mother was trying to love her and do the right thing, not sure she understood. I will miss her, she is such a sweet girl, always so happy each day we saw her at the orphanage. Also after the party ended we had some pictures to give to Lyena that we had printed to leave with her. When we found her upstairs it became apparent that she had been avoiding Anya and us in order to not deal with her own sadness and loss. When we gave her the photos she and Anya hugged and Lyena broke down. Her and Matt were saying goodbye, and both of them were crying. I would find out later from Matt the details of this conversation. He had told her it was going to be OK and that we would come to visit her in Indiana once she was home with Masha and the Niles family, and she kept saying Maybe Indiana, maybe Not, Maybe Christine and Mark maybe Not. She had fallen back into the insecure thinking that they may not come to adopt her. Matt assured her they would, and if they did not then we will. He also made sure she understood that we along with Anya would call her and write to her often. We will all miss Lyena very much, she will always hold a special place in my heart. Tuesday we arrived at the orphanage about 9:30 to pick up Anya for the last time. We had too wait for a while because Nadiya was still at the court house trying to pick up the court decree. During this waiting time we were given a tour of the rest of the orphanage and were taken to see the infants, toddlers and preschool age children. I would guess about 75 % of the kids in this orphanage fall into this under 4 category. This too would impact me in a way I never expected. We began in the room with infants under one year old. There were many cribs with 2-5 babies in them. We took lots of pictures and posted some for all to see. All the caregivers seemed to love the babies and take care of them well, they were holding some of them and feeding others. But you could still tell the little ones were craving attention. Their little faces just lit up as soon as you touched them. One little boy held my fingers so tightly and so long that a care giver had to eventually come over and pry his hands of of me, it was so sad. I wanted to take them all home with me of course. Next we would go to a room for older babies who are already walking from about 12 months-24 months. Their were 12 smaller cribs in here, each with only one baby and all of them were sound a sleep. So we did not take photos of them or stay long we did not want to wake them up. After this we went to the room for toddlers all of these kids were between 2-3 years old. They were just sitting down for a snack when we arrived. So the caregivers interrupted this and turned on the music and tried to get them to sing and dance for us. Some of them did do their little dances for us. It was very cute. We took some videos of them. There was one little boy who was very afraid of us and he was crying and clinging to his care givers, so we did not stay long in there either. Last we went to the preschool age kids 3 & 4 year olds. I posted some photos of us with this group. The one little girl in this group reminded me a bit of Liliya. I was immediately her mama, and she would not let go of me. The care giver had to pull her away from me and tell her I was Anya's mama not hers. This was also hard, so many of these kids need good families, and knowing we can only do so much and we can not ever fill all of the needs for those we will leave behind. Nadiya was still waiting for the court decree when we finished the tour, this was now after 10:30 so we decided to have the driver to take us and Anya to get something to eat while we waited. I am certain what the hold up at the court was all about but Nadiya was originally supposed to pick up the decree at 9am and this did not end up happening until almost 1pm. Then we went thru the same type of hurry up and wait process to get her birth certificate too. We spent too many hours sitting in a small taxi with too many bags waiting and wondering when we would move again. What was supposed to be one quick stop at one office ended up being four long stops at three different offices in which we would take one piece of paper from each place to the other to get either a signature or a stamp from someone. It was a difficult way to spend the afternoon to say the least. I would suggest to any of you families who are yet to travel, ask your facilitators to leave you in your apartment until this final signature is done and you are ready to travel to the regions capital for your passport! Or else bring lots of snacks, drinks, books to read and lots of patience! In our case the region capital was Donetsk, which is about 1 and a half hour drive for us from Mariupol. The office where we would pick up the passport was due to close at 5:00pm. By the time we were done securing the birth certificate and beginning our drive to Donetsk it was 4:30. Only because Nadiya knows people who work in this office was she able to call ahead and ask them to please wait for us. We asked our taxi driver to drive as fast as he could, and he did! We arrived in about 50 minutes. And at this point the driver would drop off Matt and Nadiya at the edge of the city to meet Nadiya's friend who lives in Donetsk, and because he knows the area better he would drive them to get the passport. Anya and I would go with the original driver to the train station and wait again. Not sure how it was done exactly or why it took so long, but thanks be to God we got the passport and made our train to Kiev. The train ride was very nice again, and we are thankful for that. We ordered dinner on the train and it was expensive but very good. Anya and Nadiya shared a compartment and Matt and I had the one next to them. I was very happy to see Anya had put on her little "traveling suit" I bought for her. I wanted her to have something comfortable to wear, and she was not thrilled about it when I gave it to her a few weeks back, but she wore it and it fit and this for some strange reason made me very happy. She behaved fairly well on the train too, we were worried because her moods had been so up and down the last few days, but she seemed happy. She was a little hyper and loud but happy. I felt a little worried for Nadiya having to bunk with her all night, and assured her she could send Anya over if she was too obnoxious, I felt a little guilty too like she was taking care of our kid for us and we should have her with us. Anya would come into our compartment from time to time to "check in", then go back to hers. Nadiya reported later that is was fun like being a teenager again having a slumber party. She also thought this was good for Anya to have this time with her. she said Anya and her talked a lot about what to expect the next few days and some of her fears about coming to America, and many of her emotions about leaving Mariupol. This was helpful for me and took the guilt I was feeling away. We were met at the train station on Wednesday morning by Sergei our driver. We would go directly to the medical center to get Anya's exam done for the visa. This too was a long time sitting and waiting we arrived at 7:40 and were not finished until about 10:30. The only thing that bothered me about this appointment was that we were given no choice about getting Anya's vaccinations. Apparently she was missing two of them, and if the child is over 10 years of age they will not allow you to wait until they are in US to get the shots required. I was nervous about quality of Ukraine's vaccines, but we were told if we refused her Visa would not be granted, so we signed and Anya got the shots. We would then go to the Embassy to get visa application forms and schedule our appointment for Thursday. We had no issues at the Embassy it went fairly smoothly. It took a little longer than some families just because of Anya's age and this requiring fingerprints and background check for her. But we had a nice lady who helped us out by doing Anya's fingerprints at the same time when we picked up forms which she did not "have"to do until the next day, and she also did all of he data entry when she was supposed to be on her break for lunch already, and this assured us that Anya's background check would be back the next day and we could finish up the process by 2PM on Thursday. It is so nice when you get a helpful person on the other end of things, it can make all the difference. We had a little time before we had to go back at 3:00 and pick up our medical results for the Embassy so we would try to go to work on getting our plane tickets home. (We had been told by Valentin to wait and not purchase our tickets until we were sure about time frame from Embassy on Anya's visa because sometimes with older children these background checks can take a few extra days)Matt wrote about this some already so I won't go into detail, but it was not working well at this point and we were not going home any time soon and we were going pay a lot more than we wanted to. So we decided we would hold off and try contacting Orbits or United directly from the apartment later on when we had access to the Internet. So all of us are starving by this time and we decide to go to McDonald's. Mariupol does not have McDonald's and we have been looking forward to it for several days now. We ate our food and it was really good, then I made a very embarrassing mistake this day when I decided I needed to use the bathroom( which I now will not do in public places until we are out of Ukraine) I went into the restroom and a lady in there said something to me in Ukrainian, and motioned towards the one toilet stall, of course I did not understand her and assumed she was telling me the toilet was open. So I went in locked the door and did my thing them tried to unlock and open the door, and it is stuck! I try turning this thing every way, pushing, pulling, pressing up, down, nothing works it just keeps clicking. ( I think now that the lady was telling me it was broken, not to use the lock, you would think they would post a sign or something warning people, not that this would help as I could not read it either but still! ) So I get out my phone and call Nadiya, no answer goes straight to her machine, either her phone is dead or she is on it. I try the lock some more, no luck. By this time there are many angry people in knocking and yelling at me in Ukrainian again, because I have been in here a really long time and there is a long line waiting. I begin knocking on the door and yelling back in English that I can not get out and I can not understand them, of course they can not understand me so this is not helping. I try Nadiya again, no luck. Now for those of you who are thinking why am I not crawling under the stall to get out, let me explain, this door is nothing like an American McDonald's restroom door. This thing is thick solid metal, from floor to ceiling with a tiny little window way at the top about 7 foot high, I can not even see out of it let alone crawl out of it. This is Ukraine, remember! So back to trying to call for help, I think about calling Sergei, as I now assume Nadiya's cell phone is dead, which it was) then I think I better not call him with his limited English, how will I explain this to him? So I decide the only thing left is to call Valentin. This is so embarrassing, Valentin is probably at home enjoying his time with his family and his stupid American has to call to get him to help her out of a bathroom! So I say to him Valentin this is Aimee, Please excuse me for bothering you and sorry this may be the strangest calls you ever receive, but I am in the McDonald's locked in the bathroom stall and Nadiya is not answering her phone and I can not get out. Can you call Sergei and ask him to go in and send Nadiya up to get me out? Valentin was very kind, he did not laugh, and you know he wanted to, he just said yes of course I will call him. By the time this call ended one of the angry Ukrainians who want to use the bathroom had apparently figured out I was stuck and notified the manager who showed up with key to unlock the door, Why is there a key lock on the outside of a toilet stall door? It is Ukraine, remember! Nadiya walked into the restroom just after the manager let me out, so now there is Nadiya, the manager and about 9 other customers standing here when I come out and I just wanted to die from embarrassment! After this we head back to the medical center and pick up Anya's paperwork then to wait to meet our apartment owner to get our keys. It is a nice place and we now have working Internet, I won't go into details about this because Matt already wrote about it. But I did post some pictures of it for you to see. We spend the rest of the evening working with the Internet guy trying to get the computer working to search for tickets and also on the phone with airlines and the Barrett's who are also helping to search from the US for us-Thanks again Twyla and John! Thursday at 1pm Sergei picks us up to go to our Embassy appointment. The appointment went well, took a little longer than we expected about an hour and a half, more waiting around. But it was uneventful for the most part. And she got her Visa! When we got back to the car Valentin had showed up and was waiting with Sergei. He was wearing a Denver Broncos T-shirt in our honor. He then took us to the Swiss Air office again to try to help us get better ticket prices and maybe one that gets us home sooner than Wednesday. Him and Matt went in, Anya and I waited in the car with Sergei. I am getting really good at sitting and waiting in cars. Anyway after about an hour and a half, they come back and Valentin was great, he was able to get us all three home for only about $1,400. This includes the charges for changing Matt's and I tickets and Anya's flights all the way to Denver. That is the good news. The bad news is still no way for us to leave any sooner than Tuesday the 28th. And also Anya will have to fly from Chicago to Denver on a separate flight that leaves about 90 minutes behind Matt and I. There was only 1 ticket left on the later flight. So Matt & I have to leave earlier. Anya will need at least 2 hour layover in Chicago to get thru immigration and get all her paperwork processed. So unless we get some miracle worker immigration agent that can do this very fast, then we will make arrangements to have Anya escorted to her flight from immigration and we will meet her in Denver. If they get her thru fast enough then we will attempt to put her on the same flight with us. Many prayers for this will be appreciated, I am pretty nervous about this plan, but I know it was the only option available to us, they tried everything else first. For those of you wanting to meet us at the airport here is all info: Matt & I arrive in Denver from Chicago on Wednesday 29th at 8:11pm on United flight 253. Anya arrives at 9:30pm on United flight 959. Matt and I will go and attempt to pick up our baggage, then go back to the gate to meet Anya's plane. We ended our evening Thursday by dropping Valentin at the subway, where he would travel home and then going with Sergei to a Ukrainian restaurant for dinner, it was a really neat place, great views and atmosphere, good food, (all four of us ate a ton)and good prices too. After dinner we stopped at a supermarket for a few essentials for the apartment, then home watch movies and sleep. Today we did not do much. Some laundry and emails this morning and went out for lunch and a little sight seeing. It was cold and I was emotionally worn out and not doing well. So we ended up back at the apartment sooner than later and watched Sleepless in Seattle and vegged out for a while. We are hoping to get up earlier tomorrow and get to go to more of the places we would like for Anya to see. The weather is not supposed to be very nice again rain and cold, but maybe it will turn out to be a better day.

God Bless America!

Trying to send a short update. We plan on updating a lot more tonight. We are in Kiev after surviving $100.00 train meals! Is it just me, or is that a lot for only four people? Today we will finish our document process at the US Embassy-hopefully. As well as this entire trip has gone for us, especially considering the situations endured by others, it's starting to unravel-fast! We will be unable to leave Kiev until at least October 28th because of Swiss Air and the flights available. This is the first one. Trying to change and/or purchase tickets is nothing short of the biggest corporate "rip-off" I have ever seen. They have you, they know it and they stick it to you. To change tickets and get Anya's return ticket(it would be nice to actually take her with us) is going to cost $2400.00!! and that's IF we get this particular ticket, it could be more and if the airlines really try hard, they will send us home straight into the "well-fare" system. I may have to vote for Obama just to insure my ability to survive. We are in a $100.00/night apartment with Internet. Trying to find a cheaper place for the last few days. We were thinking of one of the old WWII bunkers that we saw on the way here from Donetsk. Last night we had to have a Russian speaking IT specialist come set-up the Internet in our flat. It was during this time that we discovered that, indeed, our precious 15 year old "daughter" DOES speak and understand English much better than we thought. She became frustrated with my inability to communicate with this guy so she, unwittingly, chimed in with her own translating services; interpreting all to well. It occurred to her what was happening and she went bonkers, laughing, running around yelling(of course, all in Russian with a lot of, "...nyet, no English..." and I'm sure some other choice Russian words as well)-too late!! Exposed. What a "twerp"!!!! I now call her,"..little intwerperter...". Have to go to the US Embassy now, where I'm sure someone, somewhere will find a way to make this as difficult as possible-probably get arrested and charged with, "Unnecessary Effort in the adoption process". More later-promise. Matt